THE ANATOMY OF RELATIONSHIP

I  sat   alone  by the garden  at  my  aunt’s place.  The wind   broke in  my pores, sending   chills    throughout  my  body.    Only  the   stars   illumined   the    sky,  casting    a   pale light  to  where  I was.

With  the wind, the branches  quivered,  so  did  my  soul.  I was touched  by   the serenity  that engulfed  me.  I had to keep my silence for one moment.  That single moment lasted   long..  Long  enough to accommodate  many thoughts.

The  night  went  on. And the  quietness  evoked something.

While many  things preoccupied  me, I can only  submit  to the  lessons  of that  tranquil night.   It was a time   for solitude  especially as my heart  was needing rest. I needed  some time  off  from  all that  disturbs  my peace… all that  pains  my heart…  all that  confuses  my  judgment… and everything  that obscures    my  true  vision. I needed   that   moment  to  reconstruct  my  goals and  to know the things  that    should truly    matter.

The thoughts that flooded in surprised me and I wanted to capture  them   so  I would never  forget.  Amidst  all   that distracts me, something   that  night  made sense:

Of  what  is  partner?

We  look  for a person  who is   going  to  be   our  twin soul.  Some  have   found  the one   they  feel  entwined  with their   hopes  and dreams,   while others  are still in constant search.  So   what  does   having  a partner   mean  to me?   Being    with  someone    is   like   finding    another  reason  for  a conversation…  its    finding  another   place  to  enjoy   the walk…it’s feeling inner peace  that   even  in the  great silence   there    exist  a conversation  that  only  the heart  knows.

What about  when  such partnership  goes awry? Then perhaps no matter how special the other person is and how much willing you are to love him (her) more, it makes sense to let go because you know that you deserve to be loved back much better. While he has his needs for belongingness, you know for a fact that you also desire not only physical but also emotional intimacy.

To find the person who complements who you are is like finding  another set of shoes to begin the journey with… towards growth, completeness and hopefully, contentment.

If your partner impedes your growth as a person, limits your world and defines life for you from his own perspective and dictates your heart to keep down its voice for the sake of holding the relationship together, or for by his actions you realize that he cannot be your solace, find the strength to set free. Free yourself from consenting to a life you are not meant to live because despite the many concepts about love,  romantic relationships normally should make one happy and at peace.

Relationships are never perfect of course. But if there are more dead silence than heartfelt conversations between lovers, more heartaches than laughter, more indifference than belonginess, or when you feel alone despite your togetherness, when you cry alone and he’s out there somewhere unaware of your own pains, try to let go of the hand that ‘s never meant for you to hold for long.. It is all right to sacrifice because there is no perfect match but sacrifice for the right reasons.

Do not settle for something less than what’s enough. Love sometimes is selfish because it wants exclusivity. And there is nothing wrong with that because it says something about commitment. Loving, however, is also a selfless act. And being selfless is not forgetting oneself or one’s needs, but a person in love  recognizes that  apart from himself  there’s a separate identity whom he is willing to compromise. Desire someone who is willing to step out of himself so he can also pay attention to you: what makes you happy or what brings you pain. He steps out of himself so you can meet halfway, blend your dreams and be able to grow with you.    

Having a partner means finding the  person you feel  connected with,  whom  you’d  go through life’s  difficult times with when the  good vibes falter and there is discord. Because  you still know that he (she) is your other wing. And life  would  not be as exciting   without  the other person because in him (her)  you  have  found  a special reason to look at life with  a little  more glare. Thus life becomes a little bit  reasonable,  a little bit grand, a little more tolerable because you have each other. And you grow tall together.

After all, growth is an essential element in human relationships. Love draws in something positive – that is a resounding fact I know. If someone  pulls  you  together and  makes sense out of your life, then  you have found your  Home. But if you degenerate because you are in love with someone, perhaps it makes sense to say that it is not  worth nurturing. Therefore, not   worth  your   time.