Home » Archives » 28. October 2009
THE ANATOMY OF RELATIONSHIP
October 28, 2009I sat alone by the garden at my aunt’s place. The wind broke in my pores, sending chills throughout my body. Only the stars illumined the sky, casting a pale light to where I was.
With the wind, the branches quivered, so did my soul. I was touched by the serenity that engulfed me. I had to keep my silence for one moment. That single moment lasted long.. Long enough to accommodate many thoughts.
The night went on. And the quietness evoked something.
While many things preoccupied me, I can only submit to the lessons of that tranquil night. It was a time for solitude especially as my heart was needing rest. I needed some time off from all that disturbs my peace… all that pains my heart… all that confuses my judgment… and everything that obscures my true vision. I needed that moment to reconstruct my goals and to know the things that should truly matter.
The thoughts that flooded in surprised me and I wanted to capture them so I would never forget. Amidst all that distracts me, something that night made sense:
Of what is partner?
We look for a person who is going to be our twin soul. Some have found the one they feel entwined with their hopes and dreams, while others are still in constant search. So what does having a partner mean to me? Being with someone is like finding another reason for a conversation… its finding another place to enjoy the walk…it’s feeling inner peace that even in the great silence there exist a conversation that only the heart knows.
What about when such partnership goes awry? Then perhaps no matter how special the other person is and how much willing you are to love him (her) more, it makes sense to let go because you know that you deserve to be loved back much better. While he has his needs for belongingness, you know for a fact that you also desire not only physical but also emotional intimacy.
To find the person who complements who you are is like finding another set of shoes to begin the journey with… towards growth, completeness and hopefully, contentment.
If your partner impedes your growth as a person, limits your world and defines life for you from his own perspective and dictates your heart to keep down its voice for the sake of holding the relationship together, or for by his actions you realize that he cannot be your solace, find the strength to set free. Free yourself from consenting to a life you are not meant to live because despite the many concepts about love, romantic relationships normally should make one happy and at peace.
Relationships are never perfect of course. But if there are more dead silence than heartfelt conversations between lovers, more heartaches than laughter, more indifference than belonginess, or when you feel alone despite your togetherness, when you cry alone and he’s out there somewhere unaware of your own pains, try to let go of the hand that ‘s never meant for you to hold for long.. It is all right to sacrifice because there is no perfect match but sacrifice for the right reasons.
Do not settle for something less than what’s enough. Love sometimes is selfish because it wants exclusivity. And there is nothing wrong with that because it says something about commitment. Loving, however, is also a selfless act. And being selfless is not forgetting oneself or one’s needs, but a person in love recognizes that apart from himself there’s a separate identity whom he is willing to compromise. Desire someone who is willing to step out of himself so he can also pay attention to you: what makes you happy or what brings you pain. He steps out of himself so you can meet halfway, blend your dreams and be able to grow with you.
Having a partner means finding the person you feel connected with, whom you’d go through life’s difficult times with when the good vibes falter and there is discord. Because you still know that he (she) is your other wing. And life would not be as exciting without the other person because in him (her) you have found a special reason to look at life with a little more glare. Thus life becomes a little bit reasonable, a little bit grand, a little more tolerable because you have each other. And you grow tall together.
After all, growth is an essential element in human relationships. Love draws in something positive – that is a resounding fact I know. If someone pulls you together and makes sense out of your life, then you have found your Home. But if you degenerate because you are in love with someone, perhaps it makes sense to say that it is not worth nurturing. Therefore, not worth your time.
