ON LOVING

I am not an authority to define exactly what love is and the dynamics involved in loving. Who is, anyway? We all are just trying to find the most universal and acceptable statement on this so-called L-0-V-E. Some manipulate words to capsualize their ideas on love even to the extent of justifying their little “misdeeds.” Some are driven helpless by love, others, however, are enabled. They say that most people in love loose their contact with rationality, allowing themselves to be swept away by the strong current of emotion wherein some things become uncontrollable. Perhaps so. It happens to many people anyway. They give up the things they value or compromise their values because they have “fallen.”

I guess, I will never find the true value of love in the philosophies of others for each one lives and loves according to how he views the world and the issues around it. And realistically, I will only be dealing with my own viewpoint through which my actions are driven. Yet I realize that I cannot simply look at love in the context of shared physical intimacy where the oneness of two people are concretized even before the sanctity of marriage. Sex, I agree, is a wonderful thing and is an apt ocassion to “loose” oneself. Oneness finds its truest expression in love-making that brings forth a miracle of life, but as for me alone, I still desire that it be viewed in the proper context. “Proper” though would encourage arguments, but I guess, am understood but what I exactly mean by it, without elaborating.

Boy and girl relationships are either given life or turned sour because partners cross the bounderies of marriage before the actuality of the sacred “oneness” of two souls before God. Some do not believe in marriage, others do not believe in God. But for those who have faith in both, the question is how much will they value that faith. I, for one, am accountable to my life’s hapennings according to the values I allow to operate in me. While there are relationships which have prospered even because of that shared intimacy, it never gave a guarantee for a life-long commitment, and most often, ended in aching hearts and injured pride.

 I respect other’s perspectives on loving “much.” Yet, I believe that loving, though we lose something valuable in us, should also earn something for us and never erode the love for self. When looking for a partner or deciding to stay with our significant other, we may perhaps want to consider in a relationship the element of growth. If our partner enables us to grow in our respect for life, love for self and a deeper appreciation of who we can still become, confidence in each other’s potentials, and faith in the same God, that partner is worth it all.

This is my personal commitment to love: a driving force that enables me and may significant other to become “larger” than who we were before we found each other. I am a hunter for I seek this elusive thing; am a poet for I craft my own meanings of what     L-O-V-E is, based on my understanding; I am a carpenter because I try to build ideas about it, hoping to house my thoughts on love into something concrete. I am simply a human being wanting to have my own understanding of this phenomenon — and a miracle — that will surely touch our lives, one time or another. It is not, however, necessary to define or fully understand love.

When we love people, we have ourselves to give away, but ourselves not to forget. I think that is just fair because how can we best love when we have neglected our very being from which we draw out our resources. How can we love without ourselves and look only to our object of affection. I think in loving people, for which I do not expect others to adopt my concept of love, we are not asked to fully concentrate our energies in making the other person happy, but also in making ourselves happy in knowing that we are our best selves ready to be shared.

 It appears to me that when we less value ourselves as an individual, we give less to the person we love. In loving our partner, for instance, we should look at him as someone who could build up our strength, reinforce our self-worth; someone who would function as a support system when we feel like tumbling down; who would encourage us to value ourselves; and who would make us feel wanted. Vice-versa. Our significant other should be someone who is complementary to our dreams and needs; someone who would not want us to forget ourselves and demand to be always understood and loved for who they are. I ponder, if someone truly loves, he would want to be the best of himself thinking that that is what his partner deserves. He should be someone who would not want by his will, to hurt the most — regardless of his shortcomings as a person. Loving comes out of respect for the the object of our affection and that no matter how difficult the times are and how great the tendency to harm is, we would strive to give the person we love the benefit of fidelity and loyalty. There are NO BUTS. No alibis and justifications.

Some people have lived up to it even though there are just a few that I know of. The point is, it still happens and it can be done. When we love, we become our best selves, something that occurs without much effort because that is what love is headed: positive. To love means to have ourselves made better because no matter how many other people look at it in the other way, I suppose the benefit of being loved and loving in return is POSITIVE. Anything that comes otherwise is not the essence of love. For love is a positive energy that “happens” to make us better and happier in the longer term. However, sometimes, when we are hurting or are afraid of losses, we fail to see the benefit of letting go’s.

Sometimes, as we are so in love, we miss out the “larger picture” why relationships should end. Loving, as a positive force, does not mean the absence of pain or sorrow. On the other hand, it means that through pain and sorrow brought about by relationships we should be able to strenghten our character, sift through our essentials and cleanse ourselves of misconceptions. My point only is that out of miserable happenings, we are able to see more clearly the path we want to take, whether we want to pursue the journey with someone or set our partner free to find our own deservings. But love is not just the romantic feeling of being with an opposite sex. And we all know that! It is also the sacrificing act of a mother to her child, a person towards a stranger, a teacher to his profession.

Oftentimes, we limit our world by associating love merely to couples who are dreamy of a life together. Most of us are focused and curious of being in love in a romatic way. I must admit I am one of the romantics who regard it highly valuable. despite the hurtings of past mistakes and failure, I still believe that if we place love in the proper context, by which I mean “not too much not too little,” we won’t be so hurt.

Loving means togetherness, where couples spend time doing the things they agree to, being happy doing it and wasting the time for each other. It means sacrificing some important things in our lives, but not to the extent of losing ourselves in the process, where degeneration eats us up and we end up miserable and incomplete as a person after having been “loved off.”

 Love lets us rediscover ourselves in another. I see it as a guide that makes us realize our worth, not lose our worth. It leads us to many discoveries about who we are and how much we are capable of loving,fairly. While we love as much, we begin to see and build our self-worth especially because our partner leads us that way: to reconnect with who we are in the reflection of the significant other in our lives. This is a responsibility that we, in turn, are inspired to share at will… if we truly love.