ON LOVING

I am not an authority to define exactly what love is and the dynamics involved in loving. Who is, anyway? We all are just trying to find the most universal and acceptable statement on this so-called L-0-V-E. Some manipulate words to capsualize their ideas on love even to the extent of justifying their little “misdeeds.” Some are driven helpless by love, others, however, are enabled. They say that most people in love loose their contact with rationality, allowing themselves to be swept away by the strong current of emotion wherein some things become uncontrollable. Perhaps so. It happens to many people anyway. They give up the things they value or compromise their values because they have “fallen.”

I guess, I will never find the true value of love in the philosophies of others for each one lives and loves according to how he views the world and the issues around it. And realistically, I will only be dealing with my own viewpoint through which my actions are driven. Yet I realize that I cannot simply look at love in the context of shared physical intimacy where the oneness of two people are concretized even before the sanctity of marriage. Sex, I agree, is a wonderful thing and is an apt ocassion to “loose” oneself. Oneness finds its truest expression in love-making that brings forth a miracle of life, but as for me alone, I still desire that it be viewed in the proper context. “Proper” though would encourage arguments, but I guess, am understood but what I exactly mean by it, without elaborating.

Boy and girl relationships are either given life or turned sour because partners cross the bounderies of marriage before the actuality of the sacred “oneness” of two souls before God. Some do not believe in marriage, others do not believe in God. But for those who have faith in both, the question is how much will they value that faith. I, for one, am accountable to my life’s hapennings according to the values I allow to operate in me. While there are relationships which have prospered even because of that shared intimacy, it never gave a guarantee for a life-long commitment, and most often, ended in aching hearts and injured pride.

 I respect other’s perspectives on loving “much.” Yet, I believe that loving, though we lose something valuable in us, should also earn something for us and never erode the love for self. When looking for a partner or deciding to stay with our significant other, we may perhaps want to consider in a relationship the element of growth. If our partner enables us to grow in our respect for life, love for self and a deeper appreciation of who we can still become, confidence in each other’s potentials, and faith in the same God, that partner is worth it all.

This is my personal commitment to love: a driving force that enables me and may significant other to become “larger” than who we were before we found each other. I am a hunter for I seek this elusive thing; am a poet for I craft my own meanings of what     L-O-V-E is, based on my understanding; I am a carpenter because I try to build ideas about it, hoping to house my thoughts on love into something concrete. I am simply a human being wanting to have my own understanding of this phenomenon — and a miracle — that will surely touch our lives, one time or another. It is not, however, necessary to define or fully understand love.

When we love people, we have ourselves to give away, but ourselves not to forget. I think that is just fair because how can we best love when we have neglected our very being from which we draw out our resources. How can we love without ourselves and look only to our object of affection. I think in loving people, for which I do not expect others to adopt my concept of love, we are not asked to fully concentrate our energies in making the other person happy, but also in making ourselves happy in knowing that we are our best selves ready to be shared.

 It appears to me that when we less value ourselves as an individual, we give less to the person we love. In loving our partner, for instance, we should look at him as someone who could build up our strength, reinforce our self-worth; someone who would function as a support system when we feel like tumbling down; who would encourage us to value ourselves; and who would make us feel wanted. Vice-versa. Our significant other should be someone who is complementary to our dreams and needs; someone who would not want us to forget ourselves and demand to be always understood and loved for who they are. I ponder, if someone truly loves, he would want to be the best of himself thinking that that is what his partner deserves. He should be someone who would not want by his will, to hurt the most — regardless of his shortcomings as a person. Loving comes out of respect for the the object of our affection and that no matter how difficult the times are and how great the tendency to harm is, we would strive to give the person we love the benefit of fidelity and loyalty. There are NO BUTS. No alibis and justifications.

Some people have lived up to it even though there are just a few that I know of. The point is, it still happens and it can be done. When we love, we become our best selves, something that occurs without much effort because that is what love is headed: positive. To love means to have ourselves made better because no matter how many other people look at it in the other way, I suppose the benefit of being loved and loving in return is POSITIVE. Anything that comes otherwise is not the essence of love. For love is a positive energy that “happens” to make us better and happier in the longer term. However, sometimes, when we are hurting or are afraid of losses, we fail to see the benefit of letting go’s.

Sometimes, as we are so in love, we miss out the “larger picture” why relationships should end. Loving, as a positive force, does not mean the absence of pain or sorrow. On the other hand, it means that through pain and sorrow brought about by relationships we should be able to strenghten our character, sift through our essentials and cleanse ourselves of misconceptions. My point only is that out of miserable happenings, we are able to see more clearly the path we want to take, whether we want to pursue the journey with someone or set our partner free to find our own deservings. But love is not just the romantic feeling of being with an opposite sex. And we all know that! It is also the sacrificing act of a mother to her child, a person towards a stranger, a teacher to his profession.

Oftentimes, we limit our world by associating love merely to couples who are dreamy of a life together. Most of us are focused and curious of being in love in a romatic way. I must admit I am one of the romantics who regard it highly valuable. despite the hurtings of past mistakes and failure, I still believe that if we place love in the proper context, by which I mean “not too much not too little,” we won’t be so hurt.

Loving means togetherness, where couples spend time doing the things they agree to, being happy doing it and wasting the time for each other. It means sacrificing some important things in our lives, but not to the extent of losing ourselves in the process, where degeneration eats us up and we end up miserable and incomplete as a person after having been “loved off.”

 Love lets us rediscover ourselves in another. I see it as a guide that makes us realize our worth, not lose our worth. It leads us to many discoveries about who we are and how much we are capable of loving,fairly. While we love as much, we begin to see and build our self-worth especially because our partner leads us that way: to reconnect with who we are in the reflection of the significant other in our lives. This is a responsibility that we, in turn, are inspired to share at will… if we truly love.

One Mc Donald’s Afternoon

  I  ordered   the  latest  in Mc Donald’s today: the Kung Fu Panda Shake.  It does  taste good! I’ve always loved the fries, the float and now the nuggets. But am I writing  for the foods? No!

Not really for the foods  but for a hilarious experience of dining alone.  Sitting quietly, munching   the fries,   I began to be  curious of what people are probably thinking about me eating alone. Well that’s because  these two women  at my right  keep  glancing very often at my direction  and I thought they’re  probably  curious  why a  woman  in her  20’s has no one to  enjoy  the foods with. Ah, that’s where it all started!

First guess, am a LONER.    I prefer  being alone and am not good in social relations. My interpersonal relationships are shaky  as  I have difficulty  dealing  with people. I probably  sweat   a lot    conversing with others that my throat  suddenly becomes stiff whenever  am   with somebody  so I prefer  the solitary life. At this point, they probably   are joking   to each other  that the fries  I just ate   are clogged  somewhere  in my throat! (hahaha) Much to my dismay, they   might be thinking  that  am a good  candidate for    schizotypal  personality or  schizoid which is a pre-morbid state  for  schizophrenia.

Then   I  laugh out  secretly  upon that thought  because  if  I blurt  out in   loud laughter,  I would  be confirming that am an idiot, losing contact with reality and finally   snapping  out. Silly!  What else    could they be thinking. Let’s see.

1. That  I  just  broke up  with   my long-term partner  and  am  forced    to  eat alone  as   am  experiencing  withdrawal and plan to isolate  myself   for as long as  my  heart feels  sorry.  Am in the  pathethic mood, trying to sort things out — why  it all went wrong  — so in desperation, I treat myself out for a satiating  snack  to compensate for my loss (some people   eat a lot you know, when they are under stress or depressed!). Again, they may have thought that   I  do not  have anyone   to  comfort me because   friends  might  be at work  at the moment and my  “superhero” had gone somewhere  else  “rescuing”  another damsel  in distress. And so am left alone in this pitiful  condition.  (Arrrggghhh!)

2.  On second liberating thought,  I probably   have my  special someone although  he’s too far away  to   dine  with me at the time I wanted to stroll at the mall!   Maybe  he’s  in his office tied to his work  and   feeling  guilty for not    being able to  be with me  or    pehaps he’s abroad  trying to  earn   extra cash    so   he could finally   save for  our grand wedding sometime in the future. And  all he could  do is    call me up  to  say  how am I doing. (Well,that’s a possibility and a better option than the first, ayt?!)

The  people   around  might  have  wondered (in  a split second) why while the   two couples   on my left  are  dining  heartily  and  the two ladies  on my  right  have now  become   obviously curious, I am in the middle, “sandwiched,” and eating   alone. So I tried to come up  with more  reasons they probably  jave come up with.

3.  That am a newbie  here, being  an adventurous traveller, unafraid  of  being   in a crowd of stangers, exploring   the unseen places in the country.  So am sort of a back-packer, free-spirited  young  woman  who  jumps into  a  bus or plane or boat and  lives an  extraordinary life “exploring.”  With great admiration and envy,  the “curious people”  perhaps   have thought that am a  woman   who can travel to places  accompanied or unaccompanied  because  I do not allow plans to be delayed or posposned just because friends  who previously promised to tag along   suddenly  cancel the appointment. Then at the  end of the  day, I’ll  sleep in a  cozy  hotel ( with  a jacuzzi or   a plain bathtub) to spend the night with or  buy a ticket to  someplace for another adventure. (Wow,  what a nice way  to look  at it, huh!)

4.  As  I continue to  enjoy my  coke float,  I thought  someone   in the  crowd   who’s saner  than these two “gossipy” ladies on my  right may have thought  that  am am a perfectly sane person, with good  social contacts, enjoying  the gift  of  nurtured relationships. And this particular moment  that am into,  is my time  for   myself. Let’s call it  a “time-out”  from the social life   to reconnect  with  one’s self. It’s where  I  test   my   confidence of doing things without depending   on  a companion. It’s MY TIME. My time  in which I can teach myself to be comfortable  without having the “security blanket.”  It’s easier to  feel okay when  you  have your friends  to laugh with or tell stories  with over a cup of  coffee or a bunch of fries, but some people  feel   so unease  being left alone. If    you are  a  confident peson, I believe, you  don’t mind being alone sometimes  and you  dont  get  uncomfortable   when  people  look at  you  with obvious curiousity.

4.  (Now  this  is really shameful but  it’s  possible that  the  two  ladies  AGAIN on my right  might  have  thought!)   That am supposed  to have a date  but was  stood up! (hahaha!)   The  guy  did not show up! And after  seeing  me  from afar suddenly didn’t get the nerves to approach me.  So there  I was,   dining alone   feeling pathetic. (Ouch!)

5.  That  am probably  just a writer  trying to ease out   from my  little  nook, breathing some air, having  a break because I just had a “writer’s  blackout.”  So  I went out  to  find  some interesting    ideas, unwind myself a bit then after a good afternoon  snack,   ready to plunge   again with  new things  to write!

6.  Now here’s another  silly idea  that could be true  but   hope not:  That  am going  crazy and suspicious as I try peeking into people’s thoughts   when in fact they are unmindful of me!  Yup,  that  the  people  around  are  not   curious at all  and they are    just   having their  usual talks  while  I  attach   a lot of   meanings to  their gestures.  (hahaha, talk about paranoia.)

But as I was almost   finished,  a  guy stood  in front  of me  with  his Kung Fu Panda  combo meal  on a tray and there   he was looking  for available  table but none was in  sight.  Tall and fair, he looked  stunning.  He  was wearing  light orange  polo shirt,   faded  pants and slippers.  He  was  neat and handsome eventhough  he was  only  wearing slippers. Talk about  simplicity combined with  elegance.  Ah, a perfect picture indeed!

So  looking   at my almost gone   fries and nuggets, he   said:

“Is it okay  if i join you?”

“Yeah sure, am almost  done.”

“Thanks, ako lang naman.”

“No problem,” I replied.

So we dined and  I felt triumphant   because   the  two gossipy girls on my  right  are dying  with envy  since  I got to dine with a very good looking man.  Now its my  time to  imagine  that  the  spaghetti  that  they ate  are probably   stucked  somewhere  in their  throat as they grow “GREEN-EYED” for   my  unexpected luck!

I sipped my last  coke float, smiled  at the guy  who also came to Mc Donald’s  to dine alone and  told him I must go.  He  smiled  back and said goodbye.

Now I feel relieved  because  while I sometimesdine alone , others also do.  And its  perfectly normal!  And what do you know,  sometimes you’ll just get unexpected treat  of dining   with a “loner” who’s perfectlyhandsome. Now that’s the desert!